Hi guys! It's really funny that Amber decided on this subject this week because my aunt told me last week that a friend of hers had received an invitation where the bride and grooms were older and wanted money for their honeymoon. I didn't know at the time there was name for it, now I do.
Happy Wednesday, friends! I read an article on Jezebel yesterday about Honeyfunds. I have since learned (thru the author’s perspective and subsequent comments) that this is a hot button issue. For those of you that don’t know, a Honeyfund is basically a honeymoon registry. You can register for everything from plane tickets to dinner out on your honeymoon. It is supposed to give the couple a memory instead of “stuff.”
I have no real opinion on Honeyfunds, I think if any of our friends or family chose that route, we might pick something from the registry, but more than likely we would give them cash and they can spend it however they choose. I grew up giving cash at weddings, but the couple never outright asked for cash. I can see the argument that asking for cash is tacky and having a Honeyfund is supposed to be a way to sidestep the etiquette dilemma. I never really thought about this, but registries began as a way to help the (often young) couple get their home set up as they usually had nothing and never lived together before marriage. In today’s society not living together is the exception though and most couples have everything they need by the time they tie the knot.
This brings me to the article…the author was basically screaming at people that they should just give the bride and groom whatever they want. (I need to add in here…UGH! Don’t be that couple!) Their reason for wanting the Honeyfund is because they live together, they don’t need anything from a traditional registry. I agree with their reason. I don’t agree with the outrageous way they chose to present their argument. When I say that the author was basically screaming, I am not exaggerating, there was so much profanity and insulting in the article that I was somewhat distracted from the point. I suffer from a potty mouth myself, but when I am trying to make a point I try very hard not to use profanity in order to make it. I am not saying I never resort to profanity, but it’s definitely not over the top to anyone outside of my immediate family and close friends. The killer for me, of all the insanity in the article, was the idea that if guests didn’t want to contribute to a Honeyfund-they shouldn’t be invited and who would miss them anyway? That struck a nerve with me.
There are plenty of people that we would love to invite to our wedding, but money and space are not on our side. When choosing who to cut from our initial lists, we NEVER ONCE chose someone based on the gift we might receive. Is it proper etiquette to give a gift? Yes. Is it required? Absolutely not! As you all know very well, we are having a destination wedding. That means that anyone coming to our wedding has to pay for transportation to (most being airfare) and staying in Savannah. We will be grateful for every single present we receive, but I will not be angry with anyone for opting out of this tradition. The biggest gift that any of our guests can give to us is their presence at our wedding. Or a pony. I wouldn’t say no to a pony…
One final thought for all of you, my dear readers, don’t ever walk into a situation expecting anything. The world does not owe any of us a single thing. Our parents don’t owe us. Our siblings, spouses, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, animals, etc….none of them owe us anything. Give because you want to, not because you’re expected to. I love getting presents, but more importantly I love to give them!! My favorite part of any present is the look on the person’s face when they open it. I am far from perfect, I don’t want to make this sound like “everyone should be like me,” but I do feel very strongly about the sense of entitlement running rampant in our society. Sometimes it is an effort, but the reward for knowing you made someone’s day even a little better is almost always far greater than the effort exerted. Until next time! Amber